Hanya Allah yg tahu betapa bersyukurnya diri ini
i still get teary eyes when thinking about this blessing, and when i recalled the physical and emotional roller coaster ride, for both me and baby Ibrahim, since the day I found out I'm pregnant.
Let's start with the fact that it took us 6 wedding anniversaries before baby Ibrahim decided to join the clan. That 6 years pon dah berapa byk mainan perasaan yg aku tempuh, especially bila hati terluka over and over again dgn cakap2 org yg kadang2 langsung tak berfikir. Thank Allah we've got a strong marriage established, so instead of choosing to be miserable with our lives, we focused on having an awesome time together.
Balik from our Europe honeymoon last year, we found out a little miracle followed us home. Syukur alhamdulillah.
1st milestone: a positive home pregnancy test stick
Tapi sebab last year dah miscarriage sekali, nak happy macam orang2 lain bila tau diorang pregnant pon tak senang.
Takut, sebenarnya utk terlalu berharap. So we put a shield over our feelings. Only me and Leman knows this "big" secret.
2nd milestone: Doctor confirmed the pregnancy sac is in the right place.
Together with this, we've got our first dugaan with this pregnancy, a fibroid is growing on the wall of the womb.
So since my pregnancy was 6 weeks old, I was given a proluton jabs once every 3 days.
Can you imagine how sakit the jabs were?
This jabs cannot be self administer. If Leman was feeling brave or feeling kinky nak play doctor2, then he can give them to me. Obviously tak la kan. Hahahah. So every 3 days singgah sepital utk di cucuk bontot.
EVERYTIME nurses nak cucuk, they will mentioned, "Sorry ye, tau kan injection ni sakit sebab dia oil based". Dengan takde apepe perasan aku akan jawap, "Takpe, cucuk je".
And of cos it stings like a bitch! Hehe
In total, I took around 24 jabs of proluton throughout my pregnancy. Sampai turn nurse yg cucuk kan untuk kali ke 20 tu cakap "Sorry ye, injection ni sakit. Tahan sikit ye".. Aku jawap dgn senyuman, "It's okay, this is my 20th shot.." ..Nurse to pon terkejut
Doctor's appointment plak every 2 weeks sbb still consider high risk pregnancy.. Plus I was spotting on and off throughout my 1st trimester.. And also got bleeding dlm uterus.. But the doctor assured me , we've done everything we could possibly do to protect this little miracle. He put me on bedrest for few weeks on and off. Mummy has done her part, little dot must do his to keep fighting. The rest is up to Allah..
3rd milestone: Entering 2nd trimester
By then, my doctor has decided to stop the prolutons jabs as the fibroid could no longer harm the baby (although the fibroid has grown from a mere 2 cm to around 6 cm by 2nd trimester).
Masuk minggu ke 8 all the way sampai minggu ke 18, I got the usual pregnancy symptom of morning sickness. Bermula la episod muntah pagi petang siang malam. Seem like a small deal (tipu la tu :p) as compared to my bontot injections every 3 days eh.
After minggu ke 18.. Morning sickness pon dah kurang.. Spotting pon dah takde..
I was becoming more relax and starting to enjoy my pregnancy..
By then i can feel some movements from the baby.. So everything becomes much more real.
I also start berangan and planning for my babymoon (cita2 sejak sebelom pregnant harus nak pegi babymoon. Hehe. Mase tu berangan yg best2 saje. Maldives ke, Australia ke.. Hehe)
But with all my pregnancy complications, Leman vetoed no way. Tapi pujuk punya pujuk we settled with Langkawi as our babymoon destination.
Tiket flight dah beli, hotel dah booked, keta sewa dah booking..
2 weeks before our scheduled babymoon, we got another scared of our lives.
Long story short. Body going into preterm labour - baby no ready to be born - Emergency cerclarge and a one night hospital stay. Yeay.
Again i was put on bedrest. This time it was a strict bedrest.
Bangun hanya utk toilet break sahaja. Solat pon atas kerusi dah.
It was a really really scary time.
I only cried once mase doctor gave me the shocking news.
Masuk OT kuar OT during recovery, i willed myself not to cry.. As i needed to be strong for my baby.
The only way is to not overthink things.. Which is bloody hard to do since i was on bedrest plus lots of time to google related topics which can be super scary..
Dengan izin Allah, we survived yet again.
4th milestone: My cerclage was successful.
And i returned to work happily. :)
But berangan jek la kau nak pegi babymoon bagai. Kali ni Leman vetoed strictly work - home only. Sekali sekali gi Curve carik barang baby.
5th milestone: Entering 3rd trimester
By now i was pretty confident my cerclage will hold until i deliver the baby full term.
Baby's movement was really obvious now, and i was beginning to enjoy my pregnancy again.
We even did a 3d/4d scan at week 31. (Sbb nak memenuhi kekiasu-an mummy. Hahaha. Padahal dah beranak tak sama langsung dgn scan. Hehe)
But we really enjoyed the scan yg kitaorg tgk adelah 14 kali sehari kot. Hehe. Now we can put a face to the little kicker.
One day in week 32, i was feeling paranoid that i can't feel the baby's kicking. So off we go to see doctor Dev who is super duper awesome enough said. Tapi while waiting for our turn, the baby move allright. Since dah register we went ahead and see the doctor.
Mase tu doctor said the fibroid was around 20 cm!! Before this when it was 10cm, i was not that scared. But 20cm is a different league all together man. Huhu. Damn right i was scared. But i was scared for the wrong reason. It turned out later bukan fibroid yg pose the ultimate threat.
So as a precaution, doctor gave me 2 doses of dexa/ steroid shots (equavalent to 4 jabs).. Just in case i were to go into a premature delivery, dexa will help mature the baby's lungs faster.
On our next checkup, doctor finds something worrying. He was never that worried ( aside from having to perform my cerclage) about my fibroid no matter how big. But this time it was "blood clots in placenta".
This was a really serious thing. So again he put me on bedrest (not as strict as after the cerclage but bedrest nevertheless).
Now we have to do a doctor's follow up 2 times a week. At week 33, the doctor has declared that if I could make it to end of June, he'll be much thankful already. So on 29 June's follow up, the doctor asked me to fast just in case i need to undergo an emergency caesarean then.
Mase tu pon mainan emosi jugak. I was worried sick about having a premature baby. Cause i know chances are the baby will need extra care, and i just can't bring myself to think about my baby being wired and jabs.. Kalau boleh biar la mummy sorang yg tanggung semua, biar baby sihat walafiat jek bila kuar nanti.
Mase tu dah siap berangkut hosptal bags bagai.. Plus persiapan baby pon ade yg tak complete lagk.. Bilik baby dah jadik mcm gudang penyimpanan barang baby instead of the nice baby nursery i was imagining,, hahaha.. Baby cot pon masih dalam kotak belom berpasang.. Hiro jek dah rasmi cakar2 kotak tu.. Hehe..
Pagi tu pon mainan perasaan jugak.. berjurai2 air mata mintak ampun ngan Leman.. kahkahkah.. nampak nau banyak dosa ngan laki.. Hehe.. :p ..
Leman cakap, ngan dia tak payah mintak ampun pon.. Takde ape yg dia nak ampunkan pon..
Lagik laju air mataku mase tu..
Sekali bila pegi doctor, doctor kata the clots has remain the same, not getting better but not getting any worse. So boleh tunggu lagik..Datang balik lagik 3 hari..
So balik lah kami dgn 3 hospital begs.. Ahhaha.. Over okay hospital bag sampai 3.. Beg tarik satu, beg gym satu, beg pegang satu. Bantal extra pon dah siap bawak. Balik umah bawak balik semua bags naik atas.
At week 34, the clots have been much worse (with new areas of clotting).. But still bole bertahan.. So i was thinking of having an elective cesarean on 22 July 2013 (full term at 37 weeks. Earliest safest time to have the baby).
But during my doctor's visit on 10 July 2013..
The clots have gotten much worse, and has now starting to threaten the baby (insufficient blood flow).
Doctor: Hmmm (lama dia tengok scan screen tuh. 2 kali dia ulang testing dia pehtu dia senyap)..Looks like we have to deliver you earlier la Zarina..You see here, the clots bla bla bla..
Dot: Today is it doctor?
Doctor: Yes TODAY!
Aku tengok Leman. Leman tengok aku..
Pehtu kahkahkah kitaorg gelak sbb mcm tak percaya nak terberanak dah..
Leman dtg teman aku tu siap pakai baju keja lagik lepas tu nak pegi meeting.. Hahahah..
Kitaorg datang sepital pon sehelai sepinggang sebab daripada hari tu okay jek lagik kan..
Mase tu pukul 930 pagi. My emergency ceserean was schedule at 2 pm..
Ironically, on the very 1st day of Ramadhan.
My baby decided to wait until this holy month rupanya. :)
To be continue...