Tuesday, December 31, 2013

#Throwback: Paris with Love

It's been 1 year and I missed Europe.
Europe was the last holiday we had before becoming parents.
Lepas2 nih holiday with Ibrahim *so cant wait*
 
Sepanjang setahun nih.. due to complications after complications during my pregnancy..
satu holiday pon yilek.
Nada.. Langsung takde..
Hahahaha..
 
And for someone yg pergi holiday setahun 4-6 kali..
Hati dan jiwa meronta2 nak pegi holiday youols..
 
So tak dapat pegi holiday..
Dapat baca balik my past holiday tales pon jadik lah.. hahahha..
 
Actually sebab I was busy being pregnant and later i was busy being a mom **still is ;p **..
Iols ter tinggal entry PARIS..
 
So tak lengkap la percutian Europe ku tanpa Paris post.. here goes..
 
Paris was our last stop..
And since we've been here in 2004, kali nih rasa macam balik kampong jek.. ecewahhh..
Hahahahha..
 
Sebab dapat harga yg best.. The first 4 nights we stayed in Disneyland.
Hari kedua in Paris tu kitaorg skip masuk theme park and pegi bersiar2 kat pekan..
 
  Arc de Triomphe
 
Senang jek dari Disney station (Marne La Valle Station rasenya) to the city centre.. Turun2 je dah sampai sini.


 Singgah LV belikan kiriman ibu mertua ku.. Untuk diri sendiri amik bau jek la sebab dah abes duit shopping hangbags kat Italy.. Sob sob..



 Next we went to Eiffel.
 
Tak "Paris" la kalau tak jejak "Eiffel" kan.. Padahal takde la impressive mana pon.. Tapi dapat pegi amik ga,mbar dekat2 pon cukup membahagiakan dah.. hahahha.. *saya mmg jakun*







Lepas tu kitaorg pergi beberapa tempat lagik.. Lourve Museum (tak masuk pon. Baik akak tawap shopping mall nyahs daripada tawap museum kan)..
Next day nya plak to Sacre Cour of something.. Kalau rajin nanti akak upload la gambar..

Entry nih pon makan bulan nak siap kan satu ok.. :P

By the time I finish off this entry.. Dah selamat dah pon balik dari bercuti kat Hong Kong.. That one definitely needs to be blogged sebab first time travelling ngan infant kan.. hehehe..

Lepas balik tuh.. Kitaorg sambung plak bercuti kat Sheraton Imperial Kuala Lumpur..
Gila best.. Cause i needed that to recover from my Hong Kong holiday :P
Aku rase aku lagik enjoy percutian tgh pekan tu daripada Hong Kong kot.. But i'll blog about it later ok.

In case aku malas..
I would like to take this oppurtunity to wish you "Happy New Year 2014"
Have an awesome year ahead.. XoXo

Saturday, November 02, 2013

Ibrahim's first..

I have to admit, i no longer have time to blog.
Err.. Strike that.. Make it "I no longer have energy to blog"
Hahaha

Taking care of a newborn is no joke..
Especially for someone yg dah biasa melepak and tido makan bersuka ria sesukati selama 6 tahun perkahwinan. Hahahaha..

Now, in between feeding and changing diapers,
I sleep.
At least my Hiro (and the geng) are still alive and healthy (albeit a little kekurangan kasih sayang. Hehe. Kesian anak Hiro mummy. Ade peluang je confirm datang bermanja).
Hiro still insists to sleep with us tho.
So penuh la katil tu dgn mummy - ibrahim - daddy - hiro kat kaki or sometime berjaya gak naik kat bantal mummy - TumTum kat kaki daddy.
There. Macam nak runtuh katil. Dah la katil queen jek. Hahahah..
Seb baik Charlie agak independent and tak kuasa nak bersesak2 together (he also got 2nd child syndrom. Huhu)

Anyway.
Tetiba nak masuk 4 bulan dah Ibrahim tu.
He has had many of his first.
.
First cry.
First poo.
First coo.
First kiss (Harus la by mummy ye ;))
First touch.
First smile.
First turn.

And also First-Hospital-Stay!

T_________T

Masuk hari ni dah 5 malam kitaorg anak beranak camping kat sepital.
Nice sepital with a nice matching view. Huhu.


He got Respiratory S(omething) Virus (RSV) which cause him to have Bronciolitis (or something that sound like that). 
Alhamdulillah no more fever but he's still wheezing plus bad coughing.
Every he coughs it breaks my heart (over and over again cause he coughs over and over again. Huhuhu)
But alhamdulillah other than that he's still his happy go lucky self but his mood can change faster than perempuan yg tgh period first day. Huhuhu.
Extra manja i tell you. 

Im typing this post super fast you see.
Nowadays i also eat super fast, kencing super fast, mandi superfast.
Everything la super fast. Hehe.
Ibrahim's sleeping on his daddy now. 


Oklah.
Please pray for Ibrahim's speedy recovery ya.
Thank you everyone.

Have a long weekend ahead (kalau youols amik cuti hari senin la kan)

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Baby boss

Nowadays kalau blog pon asek citer pasal baby je kan.
Nak buat camne, our life indeed revolve around Baby je for the time being. Hehe

I'm so happy i get to spend some extended quality time with him.
Babies grow up too fast.


This picture of Ibrahim was taken when he was only 11 days old.

Biasa la anak first, lama plak tu tunggu, harus la mak dia eksaited terlebih. Hehe.
Masuh jek pregnancy 4 bulan aku dah sibuk carik newborn photographer.
Kahkahkah.

So the 2 earliest things that i spend during my pregnancy were;
1) Booked confinement lady
2) Booked photographer utk maternity shoot and newborn shoot

Tapi manusia hanya merancang. Allah jua yg menentukan.

Punya la awal booked confinement lady tapi tgk2 terberanak awal.

Punya la kiasu nak buat maternity shoot tapi tak sempat sebab dah terberanak awal jugak.

Hahahaha.

Seb baik la Ibrahim ngam2 kuar sepital utk buat newborn session ni.
Mmg mummy dia dah lama teringin bila tgk gambar2 newborn babies yg cute2.

Anyway, i'm glad we get to do this session sbb babies grow up so fast and muka cepat bertukar2. At least i manage to capture his pictures during his first few days of life. (Or rather i paid the professional photographer to do so :p)

Puas hati ngan hasil kerja Azmir Khalid. 

Dia dtg umah sensorang je bawak semua perkakas. Aku ngan Leman byk dok bilik sbb nak kasik dia space utk bekerja.

Ibrahim plak sgt memberikan kerjasama. Tidooooo jek throughout the session. Hehe.
In between tu dia mengamok nak susu lps tu sambung tido balik.

Kelakar mengingatkan the day we brought him home from the hospital.

Mase tu dah 10 hari dia lahir. Dan percaya atau tidak sekali pon aku tak pernah tukar pampers dia apetah lagik nak tgk taik dia. Hahaha. Semua nurse buat.

Ade hikmah jugak dok sepital sampai 10 hari. By the time balik umah tali pusat dia pon dah tanggal.

Mase first sampai umah, bila dah tinggal only me + leman + ibrahim..

Bertolak tolak aku ngan leman. Hahahah. 
Aku siap tanye leman, "sekarang kita nak buat ape ni sayang."

Me: Sayang. Dia nanges. Nah la you pegang.
Leman: Ehhh.. Ape plak i. You la pegang. You kan "mak"

Hahahahah.

But Leman is a superstar. First few diapers dia yg tukar.
Asal Ibrahim berak jek aku sua kat daddy dia dulu. Hhaha.

That weekend we start our life as a family. The 3 of us. Plus Hiro, Charlie and TumTum.

Tapi isnin tu Leman dah start keja. So nak tanak terpaksa la aku buat semua sorang2.
Cuak macam nak amik SPM okay. Huhuhu.

Seb baik by Rabu confinement lady dah dtg. So ade la org tolong. But most of the time mmg aku jugak yg jaga baby. I took my confinement lady with Jenari Tradisional.

Oklah. Boss kecik dah panggil.
Laters~





Monday, September 09, 2013

Life with a baby

Conversation laki bini di suatu petang:

Husband: Sayang, nanti Ibrahim dah boleh jalan kita tambah satu lagi nak?
Wife: Whattttt? Are you kidding me? **sambil kesat peluh dingin kat dahi**

Looks like someone is pretty ambitious eh?

The thing is, I am very sure kalau lah Leman yg toreh perut 7 cm tu, mau sampai Ibrahim dah masuk darjah satu pon belom tentu dia nak tambah. Hahahah.

i still find it funny tho, dgn mata2 panda and half functioning brain due to sleep deprivation, member masih ada hati nak tambah satu lagik kan. ibrahim baru nak masuk 2 bulan youols.

T______T

Not to mentioned mak Ibrahim is still very much traumatize with the whole ordeal. Hahahah

He has a valid reason tho. 

Husband: "Ye la sayang. Nanti kita dah tua kita tak larat nak jaga baby dah. Skrg ni pon kita dah tak larat."

Kahkahah. But i have to admit tho. He's right. I couldn't imagine macamana la orang yg ade twins or triplets. Or ade anak kecik berderet2. Not to mentioned those single mums. Kehebatan berganda diorang tu ok. I wouldn't have made it without the strong support from Leman.

Nowadays, when we go out, err.. Mummy sentiasa mengambik peluang nak kuar. Hahahah. Dapat beli groceries kat village grocer pon dah abes eksaited okeh. Hehe. Ye la kan, penat beli Ibrahim punya travel system kalau tak fully utilise. 

When we go out, Leman still tersenyum2.

Bini: Kenapa yg you senyum sorang2 ni husband?
Husband: Hehe. Klakar sayang. Dulu kita kuar berdua jek. Sekarang dah bertiga. 

Sometimes it's still a bit surreal. Dulu berdua maximum one hour kitaorg dah siap bole kuar umah dah. Now with baby Ibrahim, walaupon bgn awal lepas 2 jam belom tentu kitaorg dah ready nak kuar. Not to mentioned rambut yg berserabai walaupon dah sikat (my hair fashion is now pony tail or sanggul jek sbb susah nak nursing sambil asek ketepikan rambut dari muka Ibrahim. Hahaha), make up dah cair even before kuar umah and peluh sebaldi. Kahkahkah.

But i love taking him out. And Ibrahim plak mcm suka kuar. Sgt behave most of the time dia tido jek dlm car seat dia. Senang mummy daddy nak fefeeling dating. Hehe.

Semalam malam Ibrahim mengamok takmo tido. 

Daddy: "Ibrahim. Sleep! Kang daddy bagi tido dalam car seat karang!"

Kahkahkahkah.
But i think he was serious. Hahaha.
So end up Ibrahim tido atas badan mummy semalam. Kadang2 mmg super mengada pon budak kecik ni.
Kalau siang2 tinggal berdua ngan iols, boleh la prektis teknik "jgn angkat baby nangis" time iols tgh kelam kabut buat susu.

Mummy: *putting him in the crib and winding his musical mobile* Ibrahim tunggu sini skejap. Mummy nak pegi buat susu/ kencing". Pesanan tambahan: Hiro/ TumTum, tolong jaga adik.

Kadang2 tak sampai 3 langkah dia dah merengek2.
Seminit kemudian kalau masih tak angkat dia lagik dia dah melalak mcm nak runtuh umah. Huhuhu.

Kadang2 kalau dia dah melalak tu, iols nak berak pon tak sempat.
Terpaksa plak negotiate ngan bontott sendiri. "Skejap skejap. Tahan sket lagik ok".
T______T

I think (i know) i have seperation anxiety.
Sok sok nak masuk kerja Ibrahim rilek je, mummy yg melalak mcm nak runtuh umah nanti kan.
;)


Ps: Lawak tambahan

Husband: **While cooing away at his son** Ibrahim punya pipi ni mcm pipi mummy la.

Ibrahim now has chubby cheeks with dagu lapis 3.
So.not.funny.husband!!






Thursday, September 05, 2013

Boobies-on-demand

When i was pregnant, i promised myself i would not let myself be stress over breastfeeding (or possibly the lack of :p)

I've seen one too many friends and stories about how gungho and stressful mothers are over their breastfeeding. Some are bless with bottles after bottles of expressed milk (those lucky eejits! Hehe). Some not so much.

So after my delivery, true to my words, i was so zen over the subject.

When people asked me,

"Susu dah ade?"

I would calmly answer "Belom. Biasa la kawan2 i kata selalu hari ke-3 baru keluar"

But then day 4 came. And still NO MiLK!!!

I was desperate by then.
Because my boobies look as big as a korean melon. (Make that 2)
It felt HUGE.. I'm sure their are even bigger than my newborn's head.. Huhuhu..

And the worse thing is..
Still no milk!
In my attemt to stay true to my words utk tanak stress about this topic, i purposely did not do any read up on the subject. Pandaiiii sangat kan.. Hahahah

I was assuming..
Breastfeed = sumbat jek teteks dlm mulut baby and the baby will know what to do. hahaha.
Soooooo soooo stupid and naive me.

To make matter worse, my baby is down 2 floors below sleeping soundly in the incubator and kenyang  minum susu lembu (bless em cows :))

I was desperately asking for a lactation consultant or whatever they are call, but all the nurses seem blur. And takde sorang pon nak tolong iols. Sob sob sob.

Ok takpe. Jangan panik.

Iols bawak kuar pump manual Avent (konon2 tanak beli Medela dulu sbb nak test dulu. Hahaha)

Bertemankan Leman as my lactation consultant.

Me: Husband. Camaner nak guna mende alah ni? Boleh tak kita test kat tetek husband dulu?
Leman: Eeehhhhh ape plak tetek i. Test je la terus kat tetek you.
Me: i is scareddddd T_____T

So lepas beberapa kali cuba and admit defeat, aku mintak Leman pi carik Medela (i chosed Swing je).
Mase cousin aku dtg visit, she actually taught me how to correctly use the Avent. But i just didn't have it in me to compressed my own boobs. Hahaha.

Bloody hard! Harder than amik lesen kereta. Huhu.

At least with the electric, geli ke sakit ke, i just have to endure.
First few tries, only droplets of milk comes out.
And my boobs were still very much engorged. Cryyyyy.

Seb baik Leman puasa kalau tak nak jek aku mintak tolong dia. Hahaha.

Mase tu ape je yg aku tak cuba.

Sikat. Yes, you heard right. Desperate times require desperate measures youols. And no, it don't bloody work. Uhuhuhu. Trauma tetek mak kena sikat youols. Kalau dia ade tangan dah lama dah iols kena lempang. Huhuhuh.

Lobak putih. Done.

Teknik urutan. Done.

Hot compress. Done.

Pendek kata apa saja orang rekomen iols cuba.

Sedih jek hantar EBM turun kat Ibrahim maybe dapat la 10 titik kot. 20 titik on a good day. But syukur nevertheless with that rezeki.

Masuk hari ke 6, baby Ibrahim ade tanda2 mcm nak kuning. Lagik la akak stress ngan production yg seciput itu. But i persevere. Walaupon pump 20 minit dpt 20 titik jek, jadik la daripada tak ade kan. (Plus akak dah abes beratus ni beli pump jah. Hehe)

Seb baik despite the very low production, baby Ibrahim jaundice subsided and tak payah phototherapy pon.

Syukur alhamdulillah by day 8, doctor kasik green light utk direct feeding. And my baby ibrahim latched on like a champ.

Now nearly 2 months later, I still BF my baby walaupon production still low.

Please don't lecture me about demand and supply.
I've been BF baby Ibrahim once every 2-3 hours, and in between that still pump wherever possible, but still tak cukup jugak.

How do i know tak cukup?
Sebab setelah menetek hampir 1 jam, baby still nanges lapar.
So sebab i promised myself earlier that i would not stress myself out over the matter, i will top up with formula milk. 

Personally, i did not regret my decision. My priority is to have a happy healthy baby. Not hungry crying baby. And sometimes, formula feeding works to our advantage especially bila kat luar umah. :)

And yes. I am already taking Shaklee breastfeeding set so please save me the promotion ok.

Even though baby Ibrahim is not exclusively BF, we feel so blessed he is healthy and gaining weight steadily. 2 kilo plus after 2 months is an achievement, no?

Well done Ibrahim, mummy and lembu.
:)



Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Part 3: Ibrahim Aydan

Right after i was wheel out of the OT area, my husband and mil was waiting for me.
The first thing i said to him was: "Is our son okay?"
Huhu

Leman terus tunjuk gambar baby yg dia amik curi2 dlm Incubator.
Huhu.
Melts my heart.

And also my pain away!
Kahkahkah.
Yg second to tipu.
Bapak ah sakit luka czer tu. Extra sakit sbb aku ade procedure2 lain:

1) Asingkan "sawang2" yg dah melekat antara fibroid dan usus
2) Potong kulit perut sampai ke uterus utk kuarkan baby
3) Myectomy = buang fibroid
4) Bukak jahitan cerclage

By the time sampai ward aku rase dah grogy gila. But i tried to fight the feeling.

Mission aku mase tu satu je.
Nak cepat2 bgn so that aku boleh turun NICU tgk baby. Huhu.

Kalau ikutkan sakit, nak jek aku baring 2-3 hari. 
Mase doctor datang follow up, dia tanya,

Doctor: Do you feel like walking tomorrow? Maybe tomorrow evening you can try walking (48 hours post ops).
Me: No doctor. Can i try walking later this evening? (24 hours post ops)

So despite the "BAPAK-punye-sakit" kind of pain, i forced my self up.

Before i can start TRYING to stand up and walk, the nurses bukak dulu 2 tube yg discharged darah kotor tu.

2 nurses came to me..

Nurse: Kita nak cabut tube ni ye. Puan nak pain killer tak? Ke puan boleh tahan sakit?
Me: How much is the pain threshold.
Nurse: Ade patient cakap sangat sakit.

*mangkuk hayun! Kalau dah gitu ape payah tanya2 aku lagik kan. Bagik jek la pain killer. Huhu*

So nurse pon bagi pain killer (cucuk kat bontot).

Lepas tu aku nampak dia kuar razor.
Harus aku cuak.

Me: Emm.. What is that for?
Nurse: owh, dun worry. This is to open the stitch.
T______T

Rupanya botol discharge darah kotor tu ade jahit sikit sbb dia kuar ikut lubang kecik yg ditebuk kat tepi perut. 

Mase nurse bukak plaster besar luka czer --> i can stand the pain (mase ni tak amik pain killer lagi)
Mase nurse bukak jahit pakai razor --> lebih takut daripada sakit
Mase nurse tarik tube --> Serious rasa nak mati. sakit nak mampos ok tak tipu. I can feel the tube menjalar dari dalam. dah tarik hembus nafas berkali2 pon tak abes kuar lagik. Nangesssss..
Itu dah amik pain killer sakit camtu. Kalau tak amik tadi tatau la, memang saja tau nurse tu nak ranjau aku. Pffttt!

Sebab nak cabut tube ni dah sakit sangat..
Mase nurse dtg nak cabut tube kencing tu aku dah phobia gila.
Tapi surprisingly yg tu tak sakit plak. (Mase time buat cerclage dulu yg tu pon sakit jugak)

Long story short..
Lepas dah bangun and try pegi toilet..
After about 24 hours post ops, Leman pon tolak aku turun NICU (actually baby dlm Special Care Baby Unit (SCBU). tapi NiCU ngan SCBU tu sama je tempat and nurses nya. Cuma case dan harga je yg membezakan. Hehe. Kalau kat TMC, NICU satu malam RM388, tapi SCBU baru RM190 lebih kurang.

Happy sgt dapat tgk baby Ibrahim.
Walaupon ikut perasaan nak meleleh je air mata mase tu, tapi aku kuatkan jugak hati.
Sebab takleh la nak tunjuk sedih2 depan baby kan.

Mase hari ketiga, pagi tu kitaorg turun tgk dia dah kuar incubator. Tapi still ade oxygen kat tepi dia.
That was the first time mummy dapat dukung dia. Sgt happy my baby dah "graduate" from incubator.
Sekali turun petang tu, baby kena masuk incubator balik sbb dia still takleh regulate oxygen dia everytime lepas feeding. On top of that diorang masukkan sekali feeding tube kat mulut. Sob sob sob.

Sepanjang baby Ibrahim kat dlm incubator,
Tah berapa kali aku break down.

Once dia dah masuk incubator balik takleh sesukati hati nak pegang dia.
Sebab doctor nak minimize any risk of infection.
So hari demi hari kitaorg turun dpt pegang2 tangan dia je sekejap2.
Sedihhhhh sgt mase tu everytime aku nak naik ward aku balik.
Susah hati tu korang takpayah cerita la. confirm la susah hati punya.
Cuma depan baby tak tunjuk.

Biasanya bila malam je aku breakdown lepas tengok baby.
Seb baik tak meroyan. Huhu.

Since baby still dlm SCBU, aku pon duduk la dalam ward jugak sbb nak tunggua discharge skali ngan baby. Bagus jugak sbb dpt la aku berehat nak baikkan luka czer tu kan. Every few hours kitaorg turun tgk baby. Orang lain takleh masuk area tu kecuali parents.

Physical pain i can still endure.
But emotional pain really gets to me.
Sepanjang pregnant dengan complication after complication, sikit je aku nanges. Tapi sepanjang tgk baby dlm ni, ade la selang sehari aku nanges kot. (Takley nanges selalu sgt sbb kena marah ngan leman nanti. Huhu)

Me: *sobbing after visiting Ibrahim one night. Mase tu sedih sgt tgk dia muntah susu siap kuar dari mulut and hidung lagik during his tube feeding. I only made it as far as the ICU door before i start sobbing*
Leman: Jgn la nanges sayang. ibrahim okay la. dia nak sihat dah tu.
Me: sayang sedeyyyyy.. Sayang stress tgk dia dalam tu. pehtu tadi teringat2 dia muntah. And i wanna hold my babyyyyyyy... Uuuwwwwaaaaa...
Leman: alaaa.. Nanti dia dah balik rumah you pegang la dia 24 jam sehari pon :p. Dah jgn nanges2.

Huhuhu. Thank Allah i got a really strong support from my husband, family and friend.
And baby Ibrahim is such a tough fighter, mase muntah tu sikit dia tak nanges. (Mak dia yg tolong nangeskan. Hehe) 
Sepanjang dlm incubator pon dia jarang sgt nanges, kecuali kalau lapa je.

Ade beberapa kali dia "pancut" dlm incubator so nurses to bagi la iols pegang dia sekejap sementara diorang cuci and tukar semua cadar dlm incubator. Hahaha. 

So these are our stolen moments.
Me holding him tight and him holding my fingers tight. Mana la tak cair kan.

To cut an even longer story,
Finally it's time for us to bring him home.
10 days kitaorg anak beranak berkampong kat sepital ni.
Ibrahim dlm SCBU and kitaorg dlm ward.
Leman sahur bukak puasa tido semua kat ward jugak. Hehe.

Hari balik tu..
Lepas dah pakaikan baju "coming home" ibrahim, dia muntah susu kena baju.
So tukarkan la baju spare dia.
Sementara nak settle bill, dia muntah lagik sekali.
Baju spare lain semua dah angkut masuk kereta tak kuasa nak amik.

So on the day we bring our precious baby home..
Dia tak pakai baju pon! Hahahahaha

Welcome to the world my little one.

Below is one of my favourite picture of him mase dlm incubator. Susah sgt nak tgk dia bukak mata sebenarnya. :)

Sunday, August 04, 2013

Part 2: The birthing story

...

Doctor terus call OT untuk booked for my coming c-sec ops later.

On top of the normal c-sec procedure, I am undergoing a few other procedures as well.
Dah alang2 menoreh perut kan, might as well kita kasik service baik punya. Hahaha
** No. I did not get a liposuction nor a tummy tuck. Not even a gastric bypass :p **

Lepas tu Doctor dgn calm and cool nya comfort aku;
Doctor kesayanganku: You don't worry Zarina. Everything will be fine. I promise you, you will take home a normal healthy baby okay.
Dot:  (InsyaAllah ) Ok doctor.
Doctor: See you later

So  kitaorg pon terus turun pegi admission utk check in ward (wahh.. check in gituh.. macam nak check in hotel pegi holiday kan.. hehe)..

Mase tgh tunggu turn tu, Leman bole plak buat lawak..
Mase client dia call..

Leman: "I'm sorry. we have to reschedule our meeting. My wife is getting birth!"

Kahkahkahkah..
2-3 kali dia ulang sampai la aku cakap.. "Husband.. I'm GIVING birth lah. Bukan getting birth!"
Hahahha.. Baru la client dia paham. Mesti client dia confuse gila apehal mamat nih nak booking baby utk buat bini ke.. hehehe..
So nampak sgt Leman pon neves tapi dia tanak tunjuk..
Kata husband kan so kena la maintain macho kan..

Ikutkan aku..
Aku tanak cakap ngan sesapa pon aku dah nak beranak..
Sampai la dah selamar bersalin .. (confident jek selamat kan.. Huhuhu)..
Tapi Leman kata jangan.. At least mesti bagitau Abah and parents dia..

So aku pon tepon la abah..
Aku kalau emosi tgh kacau.. masih boleh buat2 strong selagi tak dgr suara abah..
Tapi kalau dgr je suara abah mula la aku goyah tau.. Huhu..
So bila dah goyah mula la start mainan perasaan aku.. huhuh.. Sama jugak mase bercakap ngan in laws..

By the time settle masuk ward semua.. Leman pon balik umah sekejap tukar baju and amik hospital bags.. seb baik la umah ngan sepital 5 minit jek kan.. balik naik beskal pon boleh.. hehe..

Aku plak duduk jek melangut sensorang..
Mase nih aku malas nak overthink dah..
Just berdoa and tawakal both me and baby will make it..
Aku baca kisah bersalin org lain ade yg sempat baca quran semua tgh2 sakit tuh..
Aku rase aku ingat lagik nak baca ayat kursi dah bagus.. Huhu.. Kalau aku cuba baca quran confirm tajwid semua kelaut.. elok2 aku nak dapat pahala dapat dosa kang,, Huhu..

Nak dekat pukul 2 pm..
Nurse pon datang bawak cukur ngan ubat bontot..
Huhuhu..
Ni semua Leman punya salah.. I knew I shud have cukur bersih sebelom datang tadik tau.. Tapi dia confident jek anak dia tak kuar hari nih.. Huhuh.. Merasa bercukur ngan cukur sepital yg tak best langsung tuh.. (i opted to do it myself tho :P)

Pehtu dia masukkan ubat montot plak..
Due to this pregnancy, masuk 3rd trimester aku dapat buasir plak.. huhuhuhu.. Nanges..
So aku gabra jek mase tgh panjang muncung ubat yg nak kena masuk kat montot tuh.. *gulp*
Aku ingat kan macam pill kaedah nye.. Rupanya macam air sebotol.. Macam ade straw kat ujung..
hahhahaha.. Bodo nya description kan..

Yang pasti.. Lepas nurse dah masukkan ubat..
Dia cakap tunggu 5-10 minit..
Sebab aku dah baca experience orang lain, aku tau takkan sampai punye 10 minit..
Tapi tak sangka plak tak sampai 10 saat! Hahahhaha..

Seb baik tak tercirit atas katil youols :P
Tapi lepas tuh..
KELEGAAN tahap maksimum..
*next time kalau aku sembelit aku  nak mintak ubat nih jek la.. hahaha*
Rase macam KOSONG usus besar aku..

Then, tetiba dah pukul 2pm..

Aku pon naik wheelcha pegi Operation Theatre..
Leman teman sampai depan pintu depan OT..
Lepas tuh aku kena masuk sendiri dulu sebab Leman kena tukar baju OT and dia akan masuk kemudian..

Remember my cerclage story..
So rase macam dejavu plak..
Cuma kali nih doctor bius aku Dr. Naveen.. Hensem sangat ok (eh.. sempat lagik tuh.. hahaha)..

Lepas Dr. bius masukkan ubat spinal (lebih kurang macam epidural but not exactly the same)..
Aku pon baring..

Sebelom tuh Dr. bius siap cakap (as part of requirement) risiko2 ubat bius..

Dr. bius: "Some people does not response so well with spinal anesthetic"
Dot: "Meaning what doctor?"
Dr. bius: "Meaning they can still feel the sensation of being cut"
Dot: "Okay.. Takut! So if that happens what do we do doctor?"
Dr. bius: "We will immediately put you under (kasik pengsan) cause we dont want you to suffer ok.
Dot: 

Seb baik lah aku tak termasuk dalam statistic yg "does not respon so well" tu.. Huhuhu..
So lepas spinal take effect..
Tetiba aku rase nak muntah plak dah.. Plus mengigil2 (mengigil nih aku expect sbb mase cerclage pon macam tuh jugak).. Tapi rase nak muntah tu aku tak expect sbb dah la puasa since malam tadik kan..

Aku pon cakap ngan doctor bius aku nak muntah..
Dia tanya sikit2 ke teruk..
Aku jawap.. "boleh tahan la teruk nya".. Kira dah tahap lepas tu aku nak mintak plastic dah nih..
Seb baik sebelom sempat aku muntah atas muka sendiri doctor bius inject something terus ilang rase nak muntah aku.. Huhuh..

pehtu Doctor Dev pon masuk..
Dia datang kat muka aku pehtu senyum..
"Okay Zarina. We're gonna start now.. Don't worry okay, I'll  make sure both you and your baby will be allright"..

Pehtu dia pon toreh perut aku..

Aku plak pikir..
Maneeee Leman nih??

Tak lama lepas tuh Leman pon masuk terus datang duduk kat area muka aku.. hehehe..
Aku suh tengok operation tuh dia tanak.. Dia kata takpe dia nak teman aku.. hahhaha..
Takut ler tuh.. (err.. kalau aku pon takut kot tak teringin nak tengok perut orang kena toreh!)

[Leman cerita mase dia masuk tuh nampak merah (darah) jek.. and doctor tgh tekun membelah perut.. hahahah.. Terus dia pegi kat area kepala aku. Hahaha..]

Aku rase ade 30 minit kot Doctor menggodek2 perut aku.. Baby nya tak kuar2 jugak..
Aku mula cuak dah.. Sebab aku baca patut nya within 5-10 minutes dah kuar dah baby.. Yg lama tu nanti untuk menjahit balik perut tuh..

Tapi sebab aku ade byk complication kan.. Even before Doctor kuarkan baby, dia kena "asingkan" fibroid aku yg dah melekat2 ngan usus.. before he can actually see where to cut to take out the baby..

Lepas 30 minit.. Doctor cakap..

Doctor Dev:" Okay Zarina.. get ready.. Look up!"
Dot:

And that's when I first saw my baby..
So putih and berdarah2.. fresh from the oven.. Huhu..

And without warning air mata aku pon jatuh berjurai2..
Sebakkkkkk sangat2 mase tuh..
Macam tak percaya pon ade..
Especially bila dengar baby nanges..

Leman kat tepi tolong lap air mata aku yg tak berenti renti..
Baby plak kat "station" tepi OT table aku sbb dia kan premature..
So team paeditricion busy access dia okay ke tak..

I've been preparing myself mentally since aku tau aku maybe kena beranak awal..
But when the actual day is here.. aku cuak gila memikir kan pasal baby.. huhuhu..

Bila diorang dah wrap baby elok2.. diorang bawak baby utk aku cium..\
So aku sempat cium baby sekali jek..
Lepas tuh diorang bagi pada Leman untuk azan..
Then terus bawak baby ke NICU..
Sebab baby premature selalu nya difficulty breathing..

Given the circumstances, we're still very much bersyukur sebab baby at least made it up to 35 weeks..
Itu pon kadang2 aku stress and sedih bila sesetangah orang asek cakap.. "Biasa nya baby kalau awal better 7 bulan jangan 8 bulan.. 7 bulan boleh survive tapi kalau 8 bulan tak boleh!"

Bullshit!
Doctor sendiri confirmkan kalau premature baby, lagik dekat usia baby to it's actual delivery date = lagik bagus.. cause the baby ade lebih mase utk develop dalam rahim..

But still dgn mainan perasaan yg tak menentu tu.. cakap2 macam tuh adelah langsung tidak membantu kan.. That's why mase aku dah start mc tuh, aku mmg limit communication ngan orang (only selected few jek) sebab aku malas nak layan cakap2 orang.. Especially bila ade yg dok sebuk tanya pasal air selusuh la, kalau boleh jgn czer biar beranak normal, breastfeeding etc.."

Aku ade banyakkkkkk lagik masalah lain nak pikir okay..
Whatever it is, pada aku yg penting both baby and me sihat and selamat.,
Yg lain2 tu kita kawtim kemudian okay..

Back to my story..
Lepas tuh Leman follow baby ke NICU..
Aku plak still dalam OT untuk procedure buang fibroid (final ukuran mase Doctor kuarkan was 13 cm, and after hantar for testing, is non cancerous. Syukur alhamdulillah)

Aku duduk dalam OT lagik lebih kurang sejam sebelom setel everything..
Lepas siap tuh doctor Dev datang pelan2 kat area kepala aku..
Pehtu cakap pelan2..

"Ok Zarina. We're done. Everything is allright now" :)

Despite all my complications,  thank Allah for giving me Dr. Dev for my gynae.. He did a lot for both me and baby, since the day I found out I was pregnant. he really2 took good care of us.
 
It took me another 30 minutes dalam recovery bay..
Shivering like crazy.. Hehehe.. (expected jugak due to spinal effect)..

Lepas tuh aku pon balik ke ward..

Berbekal kan cathether utk kencing (nice.. not!) and 2 kantung untuk kuarkan darah kotor after operation buang fibroid tadik (note that normal c-sec procedure only have cathether ye. takde 2 lagik "souvenir" nih)..

Dengan arahan.. jangan bangun dari katil selagi doctor tak kata boleh bangun.. (biasa nya earliest is 24 hours)..

Selesai part melahirkan..

On 1440 hours, I gave birth to my beautiful (any mother will self proclaim this so you can just ignore me. hehehe) baby boy.. We name him Ibrahim Aydan. He weight 2.35 kilo at 35 weeks 3 days.

And it break my heart to million pieces that I am not able to hold him in my arms the day he was born.. as my little miracle need to be put in the incubator..

To be continue...
 

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Part 1: This is our story..

It's been 15 days since i got my new title = Mummy! :)
Hanya Allah yg tahu betapa bersyukurnya diri ini
i still get teary eyes when thinking about this blessing, and when i recalled the physical and emotional roller coaster ride, for both me and baby Ibrahim, since the day I found out I'm pregnant.

Let's start with the fact that it took us 6 wedding anniversaries before baby Ibrahim decided to join the clan. That 6 years pon dah berapa byk mainan perasaan yg aku tempuh, especially bila hati terluka over and over again dgn cakap2 org yg kadang2 langsung tak berfikir. Thank Allah we've got a strong marriage established, so instead of choosing to be miserable with our lives, we focused on having an awesome time together.

Balik from our Europe honeymoon last year, we found out a little miracle followed us home. Syukur alhamdulillah.

1st milestone: a positive home pregnancy test stick

Tapi sebab last year dah miscarriage sekali, nak happy macam orang2 lain bila tau diorang pregnant pon tak senang. 

Takut, sebenarnya utk terlalu berharap. So we put a shield over our feelings. Only me and Leman knows this "big" secret.

2nd milestone: Doctor confirmed the pregnancy sac is in the right place.

Together with this, we've got our first dugaan with this pregnancy, a fibroid is growing on the wall of the womb.

So since my pregnancy was 6 weeks old, I was given a proluton jabs once every 3 days.
Can you imagine how sakit the jabs were? 

This jabs cannot be self administer. If Leman was feeling brave or feeling kinky nak play doctor2, then he can give them to me. Obviously tak la kan. Hahahah. So every 3 days singgah sepital utk di cucuk bontot.

EVERYTIME nurses nak cucuk, they will mentioned, "Sorry ye, tau kan injection ni sakit sebab dia oil based". Dengan takde apepe perasan aku akan jawap, "Takpe, cucuk je".

And of cos it stings like a bitch! Hehe

In total, I took around 24 jabs of proluton throughout my pregnancy. Sampai turn nurse yg cucuk kan untuk kali ke 20 tu cakap "Sorry ye, injection ni sakit. Tahan sikit ye".. Aku jawap dgn senyuman, "It's okay, this is my 20th shot.." ..Nurse to pon terkejut

Doctor's appointment plak every 2 weeks sbb still consider high risk pregnancy.. Plus I was spotting on and off throughout my 1st trimester.. And also got bleeding dlm uterus.. But the doctor assured me , we've done everything we could possibly do to protect this little miracle. He put me on bedrest for few weeks on and off. Mummy has done her part, little dot must do his to keep fighting. The rest is up to Allah.. 

3rd milestone: Entering 2nd trimester

By then, my doctor has decided to stop the prolutons jabs as the fibroid could no longer harm the baby (although the fibroid has grown from a mere 2 cm to around 6 cm by 2nd trimester).

Masuk minggu ke 8 all the way sampai minggu ke 18, I got the usual pregnancy symptom of morning sickness. Bermula la episod muntah pagi petang siang malam. Seem like a small deal (tipu la tu :p) as compared to my bontot injections every 3 days eh.

After minggu ke 18.. Morning sickness pon dah kurang.. Spotting pon dah takde..
I was becoming more relax and starting to enjoy my pregnancy..
By then i can feel some movements from the baby.. So everything becomes much more real.

I also start berangan and planning for my babymoon (cita2 sejak sebelom pregnant harus nak pegi babymoon. Hehe. Mase tu berangan yg best2 saje. Maldives ke, Australia ke.. Hehe)

But with all my pregnancy complications, Leman vetoed no way. Tapi pujuk punya pujuk we settled with Langkawi as our babymoon destination.

Tiket flight dah beli, hotel dah booked, keta sewa dah booking..

2 weeks before our scheduled babymoon, we got another scared of our lives.

Long story short. Body going into preterm labour - baby no ready to be born - Emergency cerclarge and a one night hospital stay. Yeay.

Again i was put on bedrest. This time it was a strict bedrest.
Bangun hanya utk toilet break sahaja. Solat pon atas kerusi dah.
It was a really really scary time. 

I only cried once mase doctor gave me the shocking news.
Masuk OT kuar OT during recovery, i willed myself not to cry.. As i needed to be strong for my baby.
The only way is to not overthink things.. Which is bloody hard to do since i was on bedrest plus lots of time to google related topics which can be super scary..

Dengan izin Allah, we survived yet again.

4th milestone: My cerclage was successful. 

And i returned to work happily. :)
But berangan jek la kau nak pegi babymoon bagai. Kali ni Leman vetoed strictly work - home only. Sekali sekali gi Curve carik barang baby. 

5th milestone: Entering 3rd trimester

By now i was pretty confident my cerclage will hold until i deliver the baby full term.
Baby's movement was really obvious now, and i was beginning to enjoy my pregnancy again.
We even did a 3d/4d scan at week 31. (Sbb nak memenuhi kekiasu-an mummy. Hahaha. Padahal dah beranak tak sama langsung dgn scan. Hehe)
But we really enjoyed the scan yg kitaorg tgk adelah 14 kali sehari kot. Hehe. Now we can put a face to the little kicker.

One day in week 32, i was feeling paranoid that i can't feel the baby's kicking. So off we go to see doctor Dev who is super duper awesome enough said. Tapi while waiting for our turn, the baby move allright. Since dah register we went ahead and see the doctor.

Mase tu doctor said the fibroid was around 20 cm!! Before this when it was 10cm, i was not that scared. But 20cm is a different league all together man. Huhu. Damn right i was scared. But i was scared for the wrong reason. It turned out later bukan fibroid yg pose the ultimate threat.

So as a precaution, doctor gave me 2 doses of dexa/ steroid shots (equavalent to 4 jabs).. Just in case i were to go into a premature delivery, dexa will help mature the baby's lungs faster.

On our next checkup, doctor finds something worrying. He was never that worried ( aside from having to perform my cerclage) about my fibroid no matter how big. But this time it was "blood clots in placenta".

This was a really serious thing. So again he put me on bedrest (not as strict as after the cerclage but bedrest nevertheless). 

Now we have to do a doctor's follow up 2 times a week. At week 33, the doctor has declared that if I could make it to end of June, he'll be much thankful already. So on 29 June's follow up, the doctor asked me to fast just in case i need to undergo an emergency caesarean then.

Mase tu pon mainan emosi jugak. I was worried sick about having a premature baby. Cause i know chances are the baby will need extra care, and i just can't bring myself to think about my baby being wired and jabs.. Kalau boleh biar la mummy sorang yg tanggung semua, biar baby sihat walafiat jek bila kuar nanti.

Mase tu dah siap berangkut hosptal bags bagai.. Plus persiapan baby pon ade yg tak complete lagk.. Bilik baby dah jadik mcm gudang penyimpanan barang baby instead of the nice baby nursery i was imagining,, hahaha.. Baby cot pon masih dalam kotak belom berpasang.. Hiro jek dah rasmi cakar2 kotak tu.. Hehe..

Pagi tu pon mainan perasaan jugak.. berjurai2 air mata mintak ampun ngan Leman.. kahkahkah.. nampak nau banyak dosa ngan laki.. Hehe.. :p ..

Leman cakap, ngan dia tak payah mintak ampun pon.. Takde ape yg dia nak ampunkan pon..
Lagik laju air mataku mase tu.. 

Sekali bila pegi doctor, doctor kata the clots has remain the same, not getting better but not getting any worse. So boleh tunggu lagik..Datang balik lagik 3 hari..

So balik lah kami dgn 3 hospital begs.. Ahhaha.. Over okay hospital bag sampai 3.. Beg tarik satu, beg gym satu, beg pegang satu. Bantal extra pon dah siap bawak. Balik umah bawak balik semua bags naik atas.

At week 34, the clots have been much worse (with new areas of clotting).. But still bole bertahan.. So i was thinking of having an elective cesarean on 22 July 2013 (full term at 37 weeks. Earliest safest time to have the baby). 

But during my doctor's visit on 10 July 2013..
The clots have gotten much worse, and has now starting to threaten the baby (insufficient blood flow).

Doctor: Hmmm (lama dia tengok scan screen tuh. 2 kali dia ulang testing dia pehtu dia senyap)..Looks like we have to deliver you earlier la Zarina..You see here, the clots bla bla bla..

Dot: Today is it doctor?

Doctor: Yes TODAY!

Aku tengok Leman. Leman tengok aku..
Pehtu kahkahkah kitaorg gelak sbb mcm tak percaya nak terberanak dah..
Leman dtg teman aku tu siap pakai baju keja lagik lepas tu nak pegi meeting.. Hahahah..

Kitaorg datang sepital pon sehelai sepinggang sebab daripada hari tu okay jek lagik kan..
Mase tu pukul 930 pagi. My emergency ceserean was schedule at 2 pm..

Ironically, on the very 1st day of Ramadhan.
My baby decided to wait until this holy month rupanya. :)

To be continue...





Tuesday, July 02, 2013

Dot's Baby Shower

I actually dun know where to begin.
So much has happened these past few weeks.

When we thought everything is going so well, we found out another complication with this pregnancy
 (Next post maybe kalau aku rajin). To cut a long story short, I was preparing to do some last minute baby shopping Ahad 2 minggu lepas. (i have been on bedrest (again) for that whole 1 week so the only shopping i get to do was thru online. Huhu).

Anyway, sebelom kuar umah, Leman dapat call yg nenek dia kat Johor sakit tenat (so the whole family was on standby). He looked so miserable so I was asking him okay ke nak proceed kuar gak ni.. (On a different note, that might be our last last minute baby shopping cause the doctor has asked us to be on standby to deliver by end June. And of cos we're not 100% ready sbb ikutkan EDD lambat lagik. So of cos i wanted to do some last last minute shopping. Huhu) Tapi sbb iols tau Leman susah hati and takde mood (iols pon kalau tak desperate takde la nak kuar jugak kan). Tapi Leman bagi green light untuk kuar, so out we went.

He's planning to balik kampong first thing tomorrow morning lps pick up his sister kat KLIA. So i was pestering him to change his car tyres. By then i was so hungry and mengidam nak makan Tony Romas ribs.

Husband: Sayang. Kita makan pizza la nak?
wife: Taknak lah. Tghr ni kita makan ribs la. Malam kang kita makan pizza ok.

He was driving and i wasn't paying attention until dia masuk area pizza hut KD..

Wife: Nak gi mana ni husband? Kata nak pegi workshop?
Husband: Nak pusing.

But then he stopped depan pintu pizza hut.

Wife: Apsal u berenti? Jalan la. 
Husband: *dah takde idea nak menipu* Turun kejap sayang
Wife: Aa. Nak buat ape. Jom la cepat kata nak mkn ribs.
Husband: Turun la kejap. Ayong nak pass barang.

Hahahaha..
By then i knew something was going on already.
Tapi bila masuk pizza hut, the ppl inside was as surprised as me.
hahaha.. caused i arrived a tad too early. 
Mase tu yg ade only Ayong and her fren/ party co-organizer plus 1 of my fren and her husband.

So end up lps tu iols yg sambut semua org datang. Hehe.

Thank you very much to my husband and my sister for organizing this surprise baby shower for me. (It has been plan way before we knew of our latest pregnancy complication). Sbb after knowing the complication, mmg takde mood la nak party ke hape. huhu. But i'm so glad they plan and organized the whole thing for me cause I get to spent some time with most of my long-time-no-see good friends/ jumpa hari2 good friends/ family.

I did not take any picture at all using my phone during the event. So any pictures are courtesy of my frens' camera.






I had loads of fun during that day. Thank you very much utk semua yg datang hari tu.
Extra thank you untuk my husband and my sister + org kuat dia (kak reena). 
You guys rocks!

Back home..

Husband: Owh. Penat nyeeee la nak organized baby shower nih. 

Hahahaha. I think for him it's more of a mental challenge to keep secret from me for 2 weeks. Hahaha. Most of the heavy lifting/ planning was done by my sister anyway. (I.e. deco, door gift, cake, invite etc)
And this is my husband's first baby shower. For his own baby :)

Ps: I am still pregnant and have yet to give birth as at date. Baby dot is doing great (still high risk tapi insyaAllah dgn izin-Nya maybe we'll get to full term after all. Amin)

Pps: Nenek Leman has recovered too. Alhamdulillah.



Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Pregnancy vs. Cats

This is an interesting (and sometimes bikin kasik hati gue panas! :P) topic for me..

We have 3 cats..
We adopted Hiro about 3 months after we got married..
So Hiro is basically our "first baby" :)
And then we adopted Charlie 2 months later untuk bagi Hiro geng..

After 1 year of marriage..
Still takde rezeki Hiro and Charlie nak dapat adik (manusia) baru.. Hehe..

Honestly sebelum 1 year tuh mmg tak terpikir langsung pon..
Kitaorg pon mase baru kawen dok cakap "kita rilek2 la enjoy dulu"..
Haa.. amik kau.. Dapat terus extended honeymoon.. Hehehe..
Not that we didn't enjoy every single moment of our extended honeymoon phase pon kan..

But after 1 year.. we seek professional/ medical help..
Just utk buat baseline check je pon..
Semua clear alhamdulillah.. Cuma belom ade rezeki..

BEFORE BEING PREGNANT

But we don't see the need to advertise hal umah tangga kitaorg.. So orang pon tatau la and tak perlu la amik tau kan.. But mana boleh nak control cakap2 orang.. By then (ironically it's always the wife that gets all the unwanted advices kan.. Huhu) some of my aunties start putting ideas into my head that "bela kucing susah dapat anak"..

The only thing that they achieve from that (even tho i knew their intentions might be good) was to upset me.. more than one occasion I cried to Leman when I convey this message to him.. I didnt cried because I lambat dapat anak.. but i cried thinking why people are so cruel to my cats.. What have they ever done to them.. They are being punished for being cute and cuddly.. and give us unconditional love and friendship..

Lucky my husband is awesome..
So after a few occasion we decided to ignore (as much as we can on these unwanted advices).. I swear never once did i blame my cats or believe this superstition.. Both of us strongly believe that anak rezeki daripada Allah and only Allah can grant that wish..

Imagine if we were to simply throw out our cats.. And then we still cannot get pregnant..
What then? Who should we blame next??

But we still continue seeking medical/ professional help once in a while (seasonal gitu.. hehe)..
After more than 3 years of marriage, we've become better at ignoring unwanted advices. Gone were the days that I jump at any suggestions of this supplement or that ubat or that makcik urut (tapi ni terpulang la pada pilihan masing2 ye). Personally for me, I rather setel satu2 daripada kelam kabut semua pon nak buat..

DURING PREGNANCY

Fast forward to the time when we know I'm pregnant :)
Put aside all the dugaan that I've faced/ currently facing throughout this pregnancy..
Still ade kata2 orang yg "orang mengandung tak elok bela kucing"

Bukan nak cakap besar..
Tapi zaman dah moden.. so instead of hanya mendengar cakap2 orang..
Elok kita buat research kita sendiri dulu.. Jgn bertindak terburu2..

During my previous pregnancy, aku dah tanye doctor awal2 lagik pasal nih..

Dot: "Doctor, is it okay if i have cats at home?"
Doctor: "How many?"
Dot: "Three"
Doctor: Since when have you had them?
Dot: "Since like 4 years ago (mase tu)
Doctor: "Owhh.. no worries.. you'll be fine with your cats.. Just don't handle their litter box.. :)

Legaaa sangat dengar..
I know the risk is still there (i'm not ignorant or stupid okay).. But it's low..
Basically cats can cause toxoplasmosis or something.. (especially taik dia)..
Tapi aku dah bertahun2 mmg Leman pon contractor buang taik kucing.. kakakakka..
So sgt low risk la di situ.. Plus kucen2 aku semua inhouse cats..
Risk dia sama jek la mcm makan raw fish/ meat (which I didn't take throughout my pregnancy)..

My cats are family.. Tak senang2 ko nak buang family wei..
Hiro tuh pernah hilang 24 jam pon aku dah meraung macam org gila.. Ini kan pulak aku nak volunteer pegi buang/ bagi orang.. Lagi pulak there's no valid reason for me to do so..

But having said that.. Jangan la ko dah tau ko pregnant pehtu baru hegeh2 nak adopt kucen..
Tu carik pasal nama nya.. Huhuhu..
Sebab mcm aku dah lama jaga kucen.. So most probably badan aku dah ade dah pon antibody utk penyakit tuh..

Hiro is the sweetest to me throughout my pregnancy (memang sebelom ni pon dia mmg sayang aku lebih :P).. Everytime aku muntah (since 1st trimester), dia mesti akan bersama2 teman aku dalam toilet kat tepi toilet bowl.. Selagi aku tak abes muntah selagi tu la dia tunggu gesel2 kat kaki aku..

Pehtu mase aku bed rest arituh.. dengan setia dia akan teman aku dari pagi sampai petang sampai ke malam.. Kalau ilang pon kejap2 jek pegi makan or pegi jamban.. Tapi most of the time memang ade tepi aku/ ujung kaki/ bantal sebelah..

Tu belom malam2 tido dgn aku.. selagi aku tak bangun selagi tu la dia tak bangun.. :)

AFTER PREGNANCY/ CATS vs BABY

Part ni aku takde experience lagik.. But I'm sure I'm gonna get "tak elok bela kucing kalau ade baby".. For now.. I'm hoping and praying for the best.. Biar di permudahkan semuanya..
I have a few cat-owners-mummy-friend who still maintain a good and healthy relationship with their cats while not compromising their baby.. So they are my role models..

I pray for my cats to have a long healthy and happy life.. together with Leman, baby(ies) and me.. Aminnnn



Tuesday, June 04, 2013

Arnab kehabisan bateri

Hello people.
I'm back at the office since yesterday.

Oh. sebab dah lama sgt dok melepak kat umah.. I totally forgotten how tiring 3rd trimester can be..
Huhuhu..

Yesterday by 5 pm I was so lembik like arnab energizer kehabisan bateri..
By 8pm I was soooooo mengantok.. Tapi Leman paksa jugak iols kgn tido sebab dia takut nanti iols terjaga tgh malam and kacau dia tido  takley nak tido balik.. Huhuhu..

And it didn't help that the nite before i was tossing and turning kol 2 pagi pon tak leh tido lagik..
Tapi selalu tuh kan cuti.. So kalau malam takley tido boleh je bgn pagi lambat sikit.. or bole bantai tido siang (oh tido siang.. how I've missed you so much!!).. Tapi sebab nak keja kalau tak cukup tido nanges la kau dalam hati jek sorang2.. Huhuhu..

On the other hand.. Hiro pon merajok ngan iols sebab semalam mummy dia dah start keja balik..
So dia takde kawan nak lepak kat umah.. Heheh.. So cute..

Other than that life is back to half normal..
Last checkup was good (as good as it gets anyway).. fibroid has grown to 11cm now! And i can feel the pain with my every movement.. Other than that I also have the normal 3rd trimester pregnancy symptoms.. Which if i compared to my previous dugaan throughout my pregnancy seems not even worth mentioning.. Huhuhu..

But all in all.. Baby is doing great.. So that's all that matters to me :)
Syukur alhamdulillah..

Actually, we've planned to have a babymoon last week..
Negotiate punya negotiate, "big boss" luluskan Langkawi as the chosen destination..
Tapik sebab lepas tuh kena cerclage.. Terus kansel percutian ku.. Huhuhu..
Nasib baiklah tak kena mase kitaorg kat Langkawi ke kan..
Memang ngeri bila dipikir pikirkan..
So I called MAS and extend our tickets next year jek..
Nampak nye baby nak ikut mummy ngan daddy dia pegi babymoon.. Hehehe..

So from now until I'm due to give birth..
Jangan lah berangan nak pegi sebarang percutian.. Huhuhu..
Nak mintak bawak pegi The Curve pon Leman pikir patblas kali and reject doploh kali.. Sebab dia taknak iols byk berjalan.. Huhuhu..

Tapi skrg iols pon memang tak larat nak jalan byk2 pon..
Sebab memang sakit kan becos of the fibroid..

Actually doctor siap tanye nak sambung mc tak? Hehehe..
*my awesome doctor :)*
Tapik memikirkan nanti nak cuti bersalin 2 bulan and keja byk tak buat lagik.. kita pegi la kerja selagi mampu kan.. Harap2 di permudahkan segala urusan..

Oklah.. Bebila senang kita cerita lagik..
Roger and Out~



Tuesday, May 14, 2013

My emergency cerclage story

This happened last wednesday..

I went to work like normal.. Had breakfast.. Do work.. 
Owh nak terkencing..
Went to the toilet..
And saw brown blood spotting on my panty liner..

Lamaaa aku pandang..
Betul ke spotting nih..
Ke terberak ke ape dlm suar kan.. Huhuhuh..

I took picture of my panty liner and mms it to Leman..
Gross i know.. But I'm pretty desperate eh..

Sambil kencing sambil whatsapp Leman..
Aku tgh separa panic boleh dia tak jawap.. Isshkkk..

Then i called him and asked him to check his whatsapp..
Lepas dia baca whatsapp dia called aku balik..

Husband: "Banyak ke sayang?"

Ade ke tanye soalan banyak ke tidak.. Hellooo.. I took a photo of my panty liner so that you would be very clear didnt i.. Ishkk.. men asked the silliest question during crisis.. huhuhu..

Leman ajak pegi TTMC..
Tapi kalau kes2 pregnancy nih.. kalau pegi GP pon takde faedah nye sangat..
Unless la kalau mak buyung tu demam ke, batuk ke kan..

So I told Leman let's not panic.. yet..
Let me asked my "cikgu google"..

Googled: 2nd trimester spotting

Read a few article..
Okay.. Maybe it is a good time to panic..

Pick up the phone again to call TMC..
Lucky Dr. Dev ade slot pukul 230 petang tuh.. Alhamdulillah..
Booked my slot and called Leman again..

Walaupon appointment doctor tengahari..
Hati still rase tak sedap.. so terus balik umah..

Fast fwd to my doctor's appointment..

When i told my doctor about the spotting episode..
He said it's not common to have a 2nd trimester spotting..
So he's gonna do a tummy scan and also a V-scan..

One look at the tummy scan and he detected something wrong already..

Dot:"Why doctor? You see any bleeding there?"
Doctor: " Hmm.. No.. But this here worry me. You see this, this is your cervix. Normally it's 6cm but yours is only 3.6cm. Let me do the V-scan to confirm ok."

Ok.. blur kot.. cervix.. shorten.. so?

Then before V-scan tetiba doctor nak masukkan speculum dulu (similar to pap smear procedure without actually doing the pap smear.. Urrghh.. sakit.. Tak suka.. Tak redha jek la)..

Few seconds later baru doctor cakap..

In summary: "Cervix shortening.. preparing itself for labour.. baby not ready yet.. emergency cerclage!"

Terus iols melalak kat situ jugak okay..

The thing is.. i ALWAYS had my emotion under control before this bila jumpa doctor.. Tak kisah la bad news mcm mana pon.. Dah kuar bilik doctor la kot ye nak melalak pon kan.. Tapi yg nih automatic dah tak leh nak stop plak.. Huhuhu..

I have never been that scared in my whole life.. Okl.. mase kena mini stroke dulu pon camtuh jugak takut dia.. But mase tuh takut untuk life sendirik.. tapi yg nih lebih kepada takut untuk this other life that I'm carrying.. Huhuhu.. I was a mess..

Doctor aku baik gile.. dia cakap kat nurse biar aku bertenang dulu.. Then baru turun katil tuh and gi kat meja dia for consultation.. 

Leman mmg tunggu kat meja dia.. (like 3 steps daripada tempat scan tu je pon).

So doctor pon lukis2 and terangkan..

Dalam ke blur-an aku.. The only thing that I managed to asked was..
"Is the mucus plug still there doctor?"

Doctor: "It's on its way out at the moment"

Huhuhuhu.. Rilek jek doctor tu cakap.. Terus aku rase nak meraung lagik satu round! Huhuhu..
Lepas tuh serious dah tak berapa nak focus dah.. I had anxiety attack then.. And I was trying not to shiver to hard while listening to the doctor.. Dah macam kena demam kura2 dah mase tuh.. huhuhu..

I need to do the cerclage ASAP.. so sebab tu dipanggil emergency cerclage..
Doctor pon terus call OT semua untuk arrangekan..
Masalahnye sebelom dtg tadik iols dah melantak nasik sepinggan
T______T

Nak operation mana leh makan youols.. Kena puasa at least 6 jam.. (that's what doctor bius wanted to do)
But me and my baby don't have 6 hours!
So instead of GA terpaksa pakai spinal anaesthetic..

Doctor said it's a good thing I come the the clinic now..
Syukur sgt Ya Allah.. Kalau lambat tadik tatau la camne.. *shivers*
And syukur sgt doctor ade clinic and slot time tuh,.
Sbb slalu kalau tak urgent sgt.. and doctor fully book.. aku boleh je tunggu sampai ujung minggu or minggu depannye utk jumpa dia kan.. So trust your own body people.. In any cases, better be safe than sorry ok..

Before kuar bilik doctor.. Doctor cakap..
"Don't worry Zarina.. I promise I will take a good care of you and your baby. We've work so hard to protect the baby and we're not going to lose it now okay. You're not gonna see your baby today.. Not for another few months :)"

Baik sgt kan doctor iols.. Walaupon iols tau semua atas kuasa Allah bukan kuasa doctor.. But hearing good things from my doctor helps.. at least in calming me down (just a littttllllleee bit!) Huhuhu..
Kuar bilik doctor sambung melalak lagik.. Sob sob..

Pehtu terus busy nak settle kan aku dalam wad and prep me for surgery..

Rase mcm mimpi jek cause everything happen so fast..
Takut tu mmg tak payah cerita la kan.. Nak masuk schedule ops pon aku takut nih kan plak tetiba mcm bomb jatuh atas riba.. Huhuhu..

Right before nak masuk kawasan OT baru salam and sayang Leman..
Itu pon dikhalayak ramai nurse2 sbb aku pon mcm blur2. eh.. dah nak masuk dah ke? huhuhu..

From that point on I was alone.. well.. not totally true,. I have my baby kan..
So kuatkan la semangat untuk baby.. Walaupon kalau ikutkan semangat sendiri dah ilang sejak tadik kan..

Masuk OT..
Mmg sgt2 la mendebarkan.. Walaupon procedure nih skejap jek sebenar nye..

Doctor bius suh duduk bersila sambil bengkok kan badan..
Mase nih aku mmg tawakal abes la..
Sbb teringat citer2 kawan2 yg amik epidural mase bersalin..
Well at least for them, they are in labour pain.. and sakit tuh nanti hilang la bila tgk baby kan.. Huhu..

Aku pon cuba la rilex se-rilex mungkin..
Ikut jek semua arahan doctor..

Tgh doctor bius nak masukkan bius tuh, doctor Dev pon masuk..
Terus dtg kat aku yg tgh bersila atas katil OT nih..
Pehtu gosok2 jari aku.. 
"Don't worry Zarina.. Everything will be fine.. Don't worry.. I'll promise I'll take good care of you and your baby.. I won't let anything happen to you or your baby okay.. :)"

Baik kannnnn doctor aku?
Mana ko nak carik doctor baik camtuh weih..
Mmg la byk jek doctor2 yg terer kat Malaysia nih.. tapik tak semua ade compassion ok.. 
And in time like this, I need my doctor to have some compassion (skill tu takyah citer la.. that shud be the first criteria kan..)

Bila ubat bius dah rase.. Diorang pon baring kan aku..
And pasang mcm hot blower.. Mcm vacuum tapik udara panas la kaedah nye..

Aku plak lepas jek dibaringkan terus start menggigil2..
Kahkahkah..
Takut lettew!
Or maybe sbb effect spinal jugak..

So aku pon cuba la sedaya upaya supaya tak menggigil sgt..
Dah la menggigil part pinggang ke atas jek.. sebab pinggang ke bawah harus dah tak rase kan,, huhuhuh..
Mase tu tak klakar weih.. Takut nak mampos sumpah tak tipu..

5 minit lepas tuh tetiba dah rase weng plak..
Rase ngantuk gile nak tido.. Terkebil2 aku pandang lampu OT tuh..
Nak tido takut la plak kang takut bangun balik ke ape.. Uwaaa....

So i channel whatever left of my semangat to talk to my baby..
"Don't worry baby. We'll be fine. Dr. Dev is here to help us. InsyaAllah"
"We have to be strong okay. I know you are strong"

And then aku dgr diorang bincang2 utk masukkan cathether (utk kencing)..
And a few minutes later..
Dengar Doctor Dev cakap..
"Okay. We're done."
And lps tu dia busy thanking Dr Sumiyati (dr. bius) and nurse2 OT yg lain..

pehtu dia dtg kat area kepala aku..
And senyum sambil buat 2 thumbs up..
"okay Zarina. We're done. You're good. I'm going to go outside to talk to your husband okay"
Aku yg masih lemah and weng mampu cakap thank you doctor je..

Lepas tu lama jugak aku dok kat area observation tuh..
Operation tu dlm 25 minit jek kot from di bius until habis masuk cathether,.
But it felt like a lifetime..

What is cerclage you asked?
Senang cerita doctor jahit pintu rahim aku to prevent it from shortening or opening before time..
Dulu bila aku baca pasal cerclage tuh cepat2 skip chapter tu sebab membaca jek pon sudah membuat ngilu.. Tapi dah takdir nak kena cerclage jugak.. Asalkan baby aku okay buat la ape saja pon.. Mummy will persevere ok..

Long(er) story short..
Satu malam dok wad..
Wad single or single executive penuh.. so dpt la wad 2 org.. Tapi dok sensorang..
Aku dok risau gak diorang halau Leman malam tu kan.. Huhuhu..
Seb baik tak..Maybe sbb kitaorg jek dlm wad tu kot.. Rasenye wad sorang jek boleh husband teman kan.. sbb ni kan wad wanita..

I am ever so thankful for my husband..
He is my rock.. 
Even in time of crisis he maintained his composure and stay so very calm.. (unlike his wife :P)
And i needed that..
Imagine kalau dia pon sama melalak and menggigil2 macam aku.. Huhuhu.. Naya..

Now I am on bedrest..
Dah 5 hari tak kuar bilik okay..
Jumaat ni jumpa doctor balik and we'll see what the doctor says..
I have a feeling lama lagik nih mc aku nih.. 
Tak kisah la apepe pon cause my baby is my top priority now..

Terima kasih jugak untuk keluarga dan kawan2 yg mendoakan..
Boss aku siap buatkan solat hajat the day i went into ops.. How sweet is that.. :)

Please pray for me and my baby ye my dear blog readers (yg mostly nye kawan2 jugak aku tau)..
Hope i can carry my baby sampai full term.. Aminnn....