Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Trouble in life: My Blog My Voice

I'm writing this post from Bangi.. My in laws house..

Since an hour or so ago, right after dinner..
MIL cakap..

"Ade mende mak nak tanye sikit"

Ok owh.. any sentence starting with that is never good.. huhu..

She then proceeded by producing a print out of my blog post --> "MEET THE IN LAWS"

She then calmly read the content of that post to us (me and hubs)..

When i write that post, i was still in anger..
So it is a bit uncalled for..
However, i merely wrote whatever i felt at that moment..

When i started blogging.. back in 2003..
I only knew a handful of frens or people who read this blog..
Income nuffnang pon tak pernah cash walaupon sekali..
So what I'm trying to say here is..
I WRITE THIS BLOG JUST FOR ME!!

This is my blog..
My personal space where i share some of my useless thought..
A place i can always count on where i can vent my anger.. my happiness.. even my sadness..

But i am sad..
Cause my blog has hurt some of the people that i love and care for..

How does my MIL knows my blog?

Ade "hamba Allah", as my MIL calls her.. call and suruh dia bukak and baca my blog.. especially on that particular post..

MIL called her that.. i called her.. (since my MIL assured us that she's not family).. STUPID NOSY BITCH!! (since she's not family i can called her whatever i want kan.. she's anonymous anyway.. If you're reading this you stupid stalker cow, if you think by telling my MIL you're trying to help.. you are dead wrong ok.. If you truly wanna tunjuk baik and concern, you should have come to me first.. or maybe she wanted my MIL to hate me.. so thank you very much.. hope you rott in hell..cause i will never forgive you!!!!!!)

Now, because of that person, i would have to privatise my not-even-glamour blog!!

Now, because of that bitch, i would have to think and censor my thoughts and feelings..
So having said that.. BAIK TAK PAYAH ADE BLOG kalau macam tuh..

Ok.. back to matter at hand..

I believe I've made my MIL very upset and very very kecik hati..
I would too, kalau tetiba baca a post yg nampak macam mengutuk i kan..

But listening back to how she read my post.. with her own intonation..
Some of what i wrote might have been misunderstood..

Some of the excerpt that upset her..

"We always allocate one nite of any week to go back to my in laws..without fail.. For more than 4 years now.. Penat or malas macam mana pon, ini kpi yg mesti tick..

This is not the issue.. Sebab mmg kami balik tiap2 minggu ikhlas pon..

Then recently FIL kena stroke.. He's still recovering but getting better by the day..

Dulu mase dia kat hospital (sjmc), we went to visit everyday..few times we even camp out there.. Still no issue here.."
......


Ini pon masih bukan issue.. Walaupon kadang2 kitaorg penak nak mampos.. Sebab kota damansara - bangi bukan dekat.. And klcc - bangi plak jam nak mampos selalu.. Tapi still takde masalah.. Kami ikhlas and daddy need our support more in his road to recovery..
so bila hubs tanye.. Berapa kali yg cukup..

The answer is..

RABU KHAMIS JUMAAT SABTU AHAD

Is that reasonable? Pada aku tu dah bagi betis nak peha sampai ke pinggang dah tuh!


My MIL disect this post word by word.. even sampai my titik ... pon dia analyze..

So she made 2 conclusion..

"SEBAB DIA RASE AKU RASE DIA MENYUSAH KAN KITAORG.. DIA CAKAP NEXT WEEK ONWARDS TAK PAYAH BALIK DAH"

She said she's doing us a favour, but i feel like she's punishing us (me particuarly)..

I've apologize few times.. but i don't think she's forgiven me just yet..

But i think she's missing the point..

That post which was written out of anger, was not meant to kutuk her as a bad MIL..

It is just a place for me to rant.. IF THE EXPECTATION FOR US COMING BACK WEEKLY BE INCREASE FROM WEDNESDAY TO SUNDAY"

Cause honestly we won't be able to deliver that..

Tapi sebab dia dah baca post tuh.. dia link balik everything that we do to that post..

I'm sure she thinks I'm such a fake!
Depan baik belakang kutuk..

To my MIL..
This is an open apology from me..
I know I am not a perfect Daughter in law..
Masak tak pandai.. Mengemas tak pandai.. Gemok plak tuh..
But one thing for sure..
Everytime kitaorg balik tu is because we were ikhlas (unless we are forced to balik more than we want to la kan)..
Not because of anybody's rule..
So please don't throw us the ultimatum.. tak payah balik dah next week..
Cause we would like to balik jugak..

On another note, please please forgive me cause I've hurt your feelings..
Terlajak perahu boleh di undur..
Terlajak kata buruk padah nye..
Mine's a classic case of that..

But i only wrote what i felt (at that moment of anger)..
I believe it is my right to convey my feelings in my own blog..
But I'm sorry I hurt you in the process..
If i could turn back times, believe me i would..

Now the air feel so weird..
Even after we've sincerely apologize to her, i can sense it that she has not fully forgiven me, and definitely will not forget anytime soon..

My nenek mertua also have been told.. plus few other relative..
So i guess now I'm the Monster Menantu..huhu.. (takut nak taip huhu.. cause the word huhu pon di analyze.. huhu)..

My MIL was particularly sad that how could i have the heart to write that surat (she keeps referring my blog as surat).. i have to assure her time and time again that it is not a surat.. just one of my blog post.. which unfortunately ade that nosy bitch conveys to her.. si sebuk.. kalau bosan pegi la tgk tivi.. nih tidak.. jadik batu api suruh org bergadoh!)

She said she's always direct.. ttak suka cakap belakang..

But sometimes in life.. bukan semua mende kalau kita tak puas hati kita boleh cakap straight to the face.. Sebab kadang2 out of respect and also out of politeness..

I've had this blog since i was 22..
Mase tuh belom kawen pon lagik..
So i definitely did not create this blog especially untuk kutuk mak mertua..

Cuma nasib malang la the one post i rant about my problem that day.. sampai ke pengetahuan dia..
But if she takes the time to read my blog since start till now..
I hope she'll understand that this blog is just a documentation of my life journey..

I've said all i have to say..
I'm still shaken and upset of the whole ordeal..
Can't believe my own blog post backfire..

And that is because..
Thanks to you bitch out there!

I'm gonna let this post stays out here for a bit..
In the event that my MIL feels like opening my blog again.. (or maybe for that nosy Bitch to read and convey to my MIL)..

From the bottom of my heart..

INA MINTAK MAAF BANYAK BANYAK SEBAB SAKITKAN HATI MAK..
INA TAK BERMAKSUD PON NAK BUAT MACAM TUH..
YOU'RE LIKE MY OWN MOTHER ALREADY..
I HOPE WITH TIME, WE CAN LET THIS BE WATER UNDER BRIDGE..
FOR THE TIME BEING, I"M JUST GONNA CONTINUE BEING ME.

And also from the bottom of my heart..
To that nosy bitch whoever you are..
I know i create my own problem with my writing..
But whoever you are..
I really really don't like you..

So if we're friend or even family..
Please continue on as if you have not read this post..
Cause if you confront me..
I'm not sure how long I need to forgive and forget what you purposely did to me..
It may take a lifetime..

PS: I feel like my privacy has been violated. I'm gonna privatise this blog soon.. should you be interested to still follow me.. drop me an email ok..

14 comments:

Noraishikin Mohd Salleh said...

masyaAllah. tak sangka jadi sampai macam ni. tapi rasanya entry yang sblm ni bkn ckp psl MIL kan, bkn itu pasal sedara lain ke or uncle yg provoke ckp tak ckp blk bangi beberapa hari tuh? plus ada byk lagi point psl side akak pulak. hurm...

anyway, kak ina sabar banyak2 k. insyaAllah satu hari nanti smuanya akan ok balik. hati ibu ni sangat lembut. mula-mula mgkn dia akan emosi, nnt lama2 dia mesti ok.

contoh mcm my biras last time ada gak issue lagi teruk smpi my MIL merajuk kluar dr rumah. masa raya mintak maaf and last nite my MIL call tny doa nak amal sblm bersalin sbb my biras nak deliver end of this month. she still care.

Hope your MIL terbukak hati utk faham dan igt balik segala kebaikan yg byk yg pernah kak ina buat :)

raF|za said...

babe, i feel you. blog is for us to vent out our frustration, happiness, sadness apa-apa je la and most importantly its for our own good jugak. definitely feel better after all the rambling sebab our own blog kan, so its up to us to write whatever we feel like writing and most of the time, we just write without thinking. like you cakap, time marah ke apa kan..i'm sure you don't mean to write all those things BUT some ppl memang tak faham. sabar ok, ur MIL ok la nanti tuh. just don't give up on her yet. if u wish to privatise this blog of urs, please invite me yea. chill ok, take care *hugs*

Pinky said...

Babe..I always believe that things happen for the ultimate reason, that only God knows. Am sure there's a silver lining behind these dark clouds. Do what's best for you. It's not easy to please anybody.. give everybody some time to reason out k.. peace.. love you babeh

linda said...

Salam Dot,

Please Dot, I baca blog u because i love what u blog about your holiday/honeymoon/roadtrip as i comment in other entry before. do allow me to read your blog after u privatise it.

And also rasa sedih to anon yg pandai2 spread the blog content tu your MIL. Cuba la pujuk your MIL tu tanpa jemu, insyaAllah everything will be okay...

iekaz said...

oh dear... i just hope the nosy bitch rot in hell for being such a batu api! kesian u... i undrstand u totally cuz i have a blog too where i pour out practically everything under the sky, cuz it's my personal blog that jots down the journey of my life.

sabar eh... i hope ur mil will understand 1 day..

dont forget to invite me if u have the intention to privatise ur blog!

Anonymous said...

Hai dot.. sabo n cool. It could be a blessing in disguise (ade hikmahnye)
Memang ramai consultant tk bertauliah diluar sana yg mengambil kesempatan untuk meng explotasikan keadaan.
Perbanyakkan Astaghfirullah & doa.
Every sad and unpleasant situation has a positive side to it.

Please continue to treat people with love and kindness.
Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you. hek hek

dedalie said...

ya rabbi, sampai begitu sekali jadinya. tak apalah babe, benda dah terjadi, sabar je lah. what you really need now is ultimate support from mr leman.. i think..

dot, pls invite me: dahlia111@gmail.com

i'm like ur biggest fan kot. :)

anyway, if MIL happens to read this comment, please know that dot means well, and she was actually just venting her anger out generally, not personally. I know dot, and believe she would not do anything to hurt her own MIL who is like her own mother. sorry too if i butt in out of nowhere, but just wanted to relay the truth.

take care to all.

Farina said...

Dot,

Be patient.Hati orang tua memang mudah terguris, but insya-allah kalau u benar-benar ikhlas, they will forgive you eventually. I know you meant well and hopefully she will understand your true intention of writing that piece of story. Take care!

P/S: Invite me too! finavet@gmail.com.

Zuraida said...

Hish sape la nosy bitch ni bukan nye nak pikir nak mendamaikan, lagi mengeruhkan ada.

Sigh.

Its okay darling, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I hope things will get better soon and all of you will be stronger as a family. Maybe this is a phase that you will have to go through in order to better understand and accept each other, and there is a silver lining that you will one day appreciate. Let's hope for the best.

And since I am your no 1 fan sila jangan lupa aku bila ko privatekan blog ini ye!!!

Hugs!

juju said...

I know that you love your MIL and consider her as your own. You always say you’re lucky cos your MIL is generous and never pushed you to have a baby. Like all other loved ones, there are good days and bad days….I totally understand that you were in the heat of the moment when you vent out your frustration. Your MIL is going through tough times and finding this out from someone definitely hurts her so you just need to continue to show her that you love her and respect her.
Anyway, kalau tak gaduh/kecik hati tu bukan family namanya…..

Adah said...

hello dot,I have been a silent reader for a while now..I am sorry for the trouble not to mention the heartache and headache that you are dealing right now..I hope that in time, things will go back to normal..insyaAllah..doa la banyak2 semoga hati your MIL akan lembut..
I hope that you can consider inviting me to read your private blog, although I have always been a silent reader. Thanks

Peminat dari oversea said...

Hey Dot. Don't despair. Your thoughts are never useless. I never failed to check your blog like, every 2 months. Banyak informative posts and they helped me come to my senses. Keep penning your thoughts :)

Ms J said...

Dot, all the things that I wanted to say has been said by others. Just go back to Bangi as usual.. jangan berhenti berdoa... I don't know any specific doa but am sure u can cari. Semoga ko terus kuat dan tabah.. Keep on smiling babe!

hugs and kisses.
xoxo

syafajalal said...

ina, mau join jugaks... syafajalal@gmail.com

look at a +ve side, MIL did confront u, n gv u space to explain. u did ur best, up to them to accept it or not. we know u r a good DIL. kpd batu api, takde sorang pon suka si batu api. asek nak up-kan diri sendiri by jatuhkan/burukkan org lain.